To prevent sagging skin eat 'til the wrinkles fill out.

When will all the rhetorical questions end?

Old lawyers never die. They just lose their appeal.

Choose your words carefully so as to not have to eat them later.

We’re not Dairy Queen, but our Sunday’s are GREAT.

Pray-up in advance.

The biggest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir-Cumference.

Don’t let the hearse bring you here stop in before hand.

Read your Bible, free tech support given here.

Liability: The ability to lie is a lie-ability.

TGIF

At an open conference in Vermont, the state tax commissioner asked the
audience which sort of taxation they thought was the most fair and
equitable.

There was a pause, and then a white-haired man in the back raised his hand.
"The poll tax," he said.

"But the poll tax was repealed some time ago," replied the commissioner.

"Ay-yuh," declared the old man, "that's what I like about it."

------
TGIF

Picnic Passions

A Jewish rabbi and a Catholic priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic.
Old friends, they began their usual banter.

"This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Frobisher's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?"

The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding."

------
TGIF

Aging

Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo.
As I handed my ten-year-old passport and the new picture to the clerk,
I sighed. "I like the original better," I told her.

"Trust me," she said. "Ten years from now, you'll like this one."

------
TGIF

De...

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?

Laundry workers could decrease, eventually becoming depressed and depleted! Even more, bedmakers will be debunked, baseball players will be debased, bulldozer operators will be degraded, organ donors will be delivered, software engineers will be detested, the BVD company will be debriefed, and even musical composers will eventually decompose.

On a more positive note, though, perhaps we can hope politicians will be devoted.

------
TGIF

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married?
A. Ruthless

Q. What do they call a pastor in Germany?
A. A German Shepherd.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. What was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury.
---David's Triumph was heard throughout the land.
---Honda,because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.

Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.

Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around the Jordan. The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest baby-sitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

TGIF

Always face the SONshine and the shadows will fall behind you.

The truth that is not sufficiently defended is frequently overpowered;
and he who does not disapprove, approves.

Suppression of the truth is equivalent to the expression of what is false.

He who is in the womb, is considered as born, whenever it is for his benefit. [Job 31:15, Isaiah 49:1,5, Jeremiah 1:5]

Babylon is where God confounded the language of the people so they were incoherent. This is why we " babble-on " today.

All men know God. [Hebrews 8:11]

He who questions well, learns well.

To be content with little is hard; to be content with much is impossible.

We can do nothing against truth. [2 Corinthians 13:8]

To err is human, to blame it on someone else is more human.

TGIF

Self-sacrifice is the true measure of our giving.

If you are sure of God’s approval you need not fear the world’s dis-approval.

Satan subtracts and divides, God add and multiplies.

Life has many choices, eternity has two.

God’s word is the compass that keeps you on course.

"They say kids brighten the home — that's because they never turn the lights off."

We can know ourselves by what we do.

Give God what's right — not what's left.

How are twins made? Copy — Paste

If God is your Copilot — who are you using as a pilot?

TGIF

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

"If you're a cynic, everyone's corrupt -
if you're an idealist, everyone's corrupt, except you."

Never give the devil a ride — he will always want to drive.

"Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee."

"Life must be understood backwards. But it must be lived forward."

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

With the colors of the leaves in the fall; can make it seem like spring.

Don't steal; The government hates competition.

Who took the IQ test and the results were negative?

"If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you;
but if you really make them think, they'll hate you."

TGIF

We the unwilling, led by the unqualified, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.

Politicians and diapers should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

Christopher Columbus and Marco Polo did not need directions, do we?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of Congress?

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.

"Stewardship Offertory: 'Jesus Paid It All'".

"Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on 'It's a Terrible Experience.'"

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.

AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous.

A single fact can ruin a good argument.

TGIF

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Does it costs more to fill up your car than it did to buy it?

TGIF